Telling Your Family You’re Muslim

Discovering Islam and getting ourselves to a point where we are ready to commit to it, is a huge step for many. It can be one of the most difficult decisions to make in life, especially if you are coming from a background that is the complete opposite of its teachings. It takes a lot of deep internal conversations with ourselves and inner battles. 

 I believe this stage is the hardest in a revert’s journey because this is when we make that conscious choice to submit to our Creator. A decision that I described as a scarily overwhelming feeling, followed with a surreal sense of liberation. For me, a feeling that still remains 17 years on and gives me a sense of contentment.

 One of the biggest worries after reverting is how our families are going to react. In my experience, some families take the news really well and some don’t. As a result, I thought it would be helpful to share some points reverts may want to consider as they plan to break the news.

Timing

Finding the right time to tell your family can be a stressful one. Many people tend to wait too long whilst others blurt it out without a thought on the consequences. Nevertheless, the thing to keep in mind is that every family is different and only you know your family. 

 There is no “one size fits all” answer here. When it’s the right time to make the move, my advice would be to consider an appropriate place, ensuring it is a comfortable setting and atmosphere.

 If your nerves get the better of you, perhaps consider in telling one family member in advance. One you know will be fully supportive and who will sit with you as you tell the rest.

Preparation

One of the most important things to prepare for is what it is you want to say. If you are not great at speaking, then perhaps write it down first and rehearse it by reading it aloud in private. Think about the important points you want to make and take into consideration the people you are talking to. Try to speak in a way that they will understand and in a way that’s clear.

 As I said before, no-one knows your family better than you do. Although, many reverts have expressed a surprise in many of their families reactions. Other ways you can prepare, is by considering what your family members know about Islam. Think about things they have said (good or bad) in the past and prepare accordingly. If the source of their knowledge on Islam comes from places like BBC news, then perhaps it would be best to get some information ready to reassure them.

 This could be reading material that they can go over in their own time. Perhaps a leaflet breaking down some of the most common stereotypes and misconceptions that would dispel the assumption that they are about to lose their kid or sibling etc.

 One thing I had to keep in mind was, the goal wasn’t for them to agree with everything Islam says. The goal back then was for them to understand that this was something I had to do for myself and something that was bound to bring out the best in me.

 The number one question that families usually want to know is why, so know why you are doing this. What does Islam give you that you haven’t gotten anywhere else? Have answers ready to any questions you think they may have and answer them with kindness as well as confidence.

Safety

If there is a high chance that you are putting your safety at risk by telling your family, then don’t. Especially if you are living in their household. My advice would be to seek support from qualified people who can help. This could be the Imam at your local mosque or revert support group within your area. If you are a sister in UK, you can reach out to Solace UK who have a great team of sisters who will help you to look at your options without compromising your safety.

Acceptance

With reassurance, information and seeing you change for the better, this is usually all a family needs to be content with your choice to accept Islam. However, this can often take some time. 

 Therefore, I think it would be wise to prepare for the possibility that not everyone in your family is going to be accepting. Some family members may express disappointment or anger. However, rest assure most of the time people come round. It is important to hold firm in these moments and show respect for their concerns whilst remaining confident in your choice. My advice would be to allow them some space to come to terms with the change (if needed) and to appreciate their worries. 

We are not able to please everyone with our choices and nor should this be our goal in life. Our aim as Muslims, is to try and do right by our families but not at the expense of Islam. We should keep family ties to the best of our abilities and make Du’a to Allah that He changes the hearts of those who are apprehensive in accepting it.

Consideration

Keep in mind that your family are the people who usually have your best interests at heart. They want you to be happy and to succeed in life, without limitations or regret. Therefore, if the reaction you get is not the one you were looking for, do your best not take it personal. 

It is important to take into consideration that they don’t know what you know about Islam and that their emotions or concerns are usually a symbol of their love for you.

  Your reaction to their worries should be a productive one. Therefore, remain controlled, calm and content in your decision whilst being sensitive. 

 Don’t overreact to things they say that may come across as rude or unreasonable. Try to speak with them in a way that is just whilst ending the conversation on a positive. Give them lots of reassurance that Islam will result in a better you and as a result, better relationships with them.

Final Thoughts

Rome wasn’t built in a day and most good things take time to develop. The best way to show your family that this is the greatest decision you’ve ever made, is through your actions. Islam brings out the best in everyone who prioritizes it and implements it properly.

 Take on that journey one step at a time, learning and growing, even if it’s only one new thing a day. Try to keep in a constant state of remembrance and continue to make Du’a for your family. Informing them of your reversion, is not always easy but a step that will have to be done at some stage in your life. 

 May Allah make it easy for all those reverting or returning to their faith, and any hardship that may follow, Ameen.